Tis' the season.

Well, we have been home over three weeks now. I feel like I blinked and here we are just a couple of weeks away from Christmas.

I can't say how thankful I am to be home with Jensen, and have all four of our kids under one roof. It has been a journey. I've been quiet on here-- not because I don't have anything to say, but rather I don't really know how to say all of it. I have about 20 blog posts that I haven't published...for one reason or another.

This season is unlike any other in my life & gracious me, I'm grateful.

It's almost comical to me what our life looks like now. NEVER, ever in my wildest dreams could I have imagined what today would be like for us. What our 27th years would look like. Never did I imagine that before the age of 30 we would have four children. Never. Like never never ever ever. I like to use sayings like "looking back" and "remember when" which makes me laugh. I am 27...I feel like I sound more and more like my parents every day {which I consider an awesome thing}.

When we were handed Evelyn two years ago, I thought that was hard. I was scared. There was a lot of unknowns about her life and what our role would be in it the day she was placed in our arms. I told God that whatever He wanted for us in her life, I would do my best to honor. I am incredibly grateful he saw us fit to not only care for her, but be her mom and dad.

Evelyn- the day she was placed in our arms.

Two months after being handed our daughter and still with a lot of unknowns, we said 'yes' to Aven. For me in my heart, Aven was hard, but I loved him fiercely and I felt incredibly protective of him. He wasn't hard because of anything he did, but because as a mother, I took on his pain-- and oh, there was a lot of it. There is a lot of it. Trauma runs deep, and watching your child grieve for situations you couldn't even fathom being in, is heartbreaking. It cuts to your core. Especially when a lot of that grief is directed right at you. You see, it is easier to hurt people, then to allow yourself to open up to someone, and risk being hurt yourself. For a kid who has experienced a lot of hurt, this rings true.  But grace-- through his life, I have witnessed miracles-- he has changed me-- as a mother and as a person.

Aven- shortly before we got custody of him.

So, there we were, a family of four. Working on how to do life together and learning about grace daily. I think at that point a few thought we were mildly crazy. Jim & I realized that there was no guarantee that everything would work, but stepping out in faith changed our lives. Had we let fear replace our faith, we could have easily not said 'yes' when it was hard. Even through the hard we experienced such joy in our little home in Uganda. We grew together. Some days I grieve for those times again. The hard days when I had to choose joy and choose to be intentional. I find that for me personally, since it is easy to find happiness here in my "comfort zone" I don't always have to choose it. It just comes naturally. But, there is something about choosing joy, when everything around you is hard and messy. It is a different kind of joy, a joy that you have to fight for. It was special & some days my heart grieves for those short nights and long days we spent in Uganda.

And then, just when we were mildly crazy, our 'B' entered our lives and we started the adoption process for Jensen. At that point I think a few people thought we flew the cookoos nest :) Alas, here we are. Home. With four wonderfullycrazyawesome children. Our time in Uganda seems somewhat like a dream. Gosh I miss it everyday.

One of the first photos of 'B' with our family.

Through the hard we have seen grace-- from those outside of our family, from those within, and from our children. Just today, Aven came home with a Thanksgiving project from school. It was all about what he was thankful for. He had our dog and his cat on there, food, and he painted a picture of our house. But the last line said "what are you most thankful for" and underneath it he wrote "mom & dad". I can't even describe in words how HUGE that is for our Aven.
 
We are in a special season right now and we are incredibly thankful to each of you who have played a role in that. Being home with Jensen seems like a dream. He is doing fabulous and he starts his first day of fourth grade tomorrow. The year waiting for him was hard, but, looking back, I understand why it took so long. His plan is always greater than mine.

Airport Reunion after two months away- Jensen is HOME!

So, Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Chirstmas to each of you-- we love you all!