Parenting when it's hard
Our weeks have been filled with adjustments and changes. While it's a beautiful time, it hasn't come without challenges. Many people have asked me what the hardest thing about parenting four is. I giggle on the inside when it is asked. Parenting is hard on any level. I think about the things I put my parents through and I was blessed to have consistent parenting through my entire life. So, what happens if you don't?
I am no expert on parenting and attachment and I can only speak to my life and the traumas we have experienced. Let me say this: the hardest thing about having children (the number doesn't even matter) is parenting when it is hard {simple, right?!?}. When you feel that nothing you can do is right and everything you have done hasn't made an impact. When you have to choose grace, throw your hands up, and love through the ugly. When it is God awful hard to look past your selfish heart and latch to the life in front of you. Knowing full well, that as you do so, you take on their pain. All of it.
Before we chose to adopt, I read about trauma & parenting kids from hard places. No books or resources could have adequately prepared me for what lay ahead. Trauma- oh man, it is a big ugly beast that dives deep within little souls and roars its ugly head. Through progress it fights back, trying to take hold.
The hardest part on the road we have chosen has been consciously choosing to take on every ounce of pain each of our children have gone through. From small to big, from here to there, and through each moment of ugly. As a human being, that is hard. But, I am a firm believer in beauty from ashes, and redemption through the darkest of situations.
We chose to say yes-- to all of it. On the good days and the bad. We chose to fight. Through it all, I see a God who loves me, and who loves EACH of our kids. Who walks in when I feel like I might not be able to stomach much more. Though our days have changed, and the victories we now celebrate are different then what I had originally thought, I am thankful for the hard. I have believed in a savior much greater than myself for most of my life. He is so faithful. He loves my children and sees the inner reaches of their hearts. He feels their pain right along side Jim and I. He gives me strength when I need it and He keeps me going. But above all, He fights for my children. He fights for redemption in their lives.
Please don't take this as a melodramatic post about how hard life is. I am thankful for the hard days and every day in between. I hope if you're reading this and feeling that it is one of those 'hard' days, you see the grace shining through every situation. I am thankful that the example of a Godly Father has gone before me.
That when I wasn't lovable- He still loved me.
That when I failed- He was there to push me to try again.
That when I felt like I had nothing left- He carried me through.
That when I made mistakes- He chose forgiveness.
So, to each {& all} of you parenting through the hard-- you are not alone. There is a God who loves your children more than you could imagine and He is walking this road right along side of you.
I am no expert on parenting and attachment and I can only speak to my life and the traumas we have experienced. Let me say this: the hardest thing about having children (the number doesn't even matter) is parenting when it is hard {simple, right?!?}. When you feel that nothing you can do is right and everything you have done hasn't made an impact. When you have to choose grace, throw your hands up, and love through the ugly. When it is God awful hard to look past your selfish heart and latch to the life in front of you. Knowing full well, that as you do so, you take on their pain. All of it.
Before we chose to adopt, I read about trauma & parenting kids from hard places. No books or resources could have adequately prepared me for what lay ahead. Trauma- oh man, it is a big ugly beast that dives deep within little souls and roars its ugly head. Through progress it fights back, trying to take hold.
The hardest part on the road we have chosen has been consciously choosing to take on every ounce of pain each of our children have gone through. From small to big, from here to there, and through each moment of ugly. As a human being, that is hard. But, I am a firm believer in beauty from ashes, and redemption through the darkest of situations.
We chose to say yes-- to all of it. On the good days and the bad. We chose to fight. Through it all, I see a God who loves me, and who loves EACH of our kids. Who walks in when I feel like I might not be able to stomach much more. Though our days have changed, and the victories we now celebrate are different then what I had originally thought, I am thankful for the hard. I have believed in a savior much greater than myself for most of my life. He is so faithful. He loves my children and sees the inner reaches of their hearts. He feels their pain right along side Jim and I. He gives me strength when I need it and He keeps me going. But above all, He fights for my children. He fights for redemption in their lives.
Please don't take this as a melodramatic post about how hard life is. I am thankful for the hard days and every day in between. I hope if you're reading this and feeling that it is one of those 'hard' days, you see the grace shining through every situation. I am thankful that the example of a Godly Father has gone before me.
That when I wasn't lovable- He still loved me.
That when I failed- He was there to push me to try again.
That when I felt like I had nothing left- He carried me through.
That when I made mistakes- He chose forgiveness.
So, to each {& all} of you parenting through the hard-- you are not alone. There is a God who loves your children more than you could imagine and He is walking this road right along side of you.
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